Life at the crossroads

Ranita Roy -8-30-22

“Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Suddenly
I’m not half the man I used to be
There’s a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly”

Yes these resounding lyrics of the iconic song “Yesterday ” of the epochal band – Beatles have become the quintessential anthem of this mother,daughter,sister and a wife standing at the crossroads of life.

The last few months have been an eye turning, life riveting experience for this unnamed,unknown woman in one part of the world.
Right when the “seasoned mother” (which she firmly believed to be one)was preparing for the next phase of growing up !(as a mother) by giving a cheerful send off to her first born as a freshman to college-the Allmighty steering our destinies had a quiet laugh.
An emergency medical situation back from the land of her birth,led to an unprecedented situation. Entangled this middleaged woman within the intrinsic cobweb of emotions and consciencous moral nudges.
Torn in the upheaval of emotional turmoil, the daughter in her took over. Knowing that she would miss many such “Last Day” s of her first born’s school life,bravely she put up the face of a cheerleader and flew to her birthland.
The morally strong, logical and quickwit partner as well as her offsprings stood rock solid beside her.
Just when thoughts of those glorious moments of the first born graduating out of high school to step into the sea of future overwhelmed the (about to be empty nester)mother’s mind,on the other spectrum,the helpless look from her nurturer,her dad seeking for reassurance overpowered the fragile mind.

While the roller coaster of emotions kept this woman preoccupied over the next couple of months, the dynamics and situations both back home and at her parents’ threw her infront of innumerable life hiccups and instilled faith in her mind even stronger.
And in between malaise, worries and sleepless nights worrying about her aging parents’ frailing health, graduation, prom parties, triumphant stories of the kids, accomplishments of her partner kept her even more agile and propelled her further.
With happy tears of joy seeing the nestling about to fly out of nest with hopes and ambitions high, the lyrics from the Beatles signature song – Yesterday kept swinging her back to those priceless days and moments of nurturing her babies, to prepare them for this take off. Those days of snuggles & cajole
and endless days of disciplining,the sibling fights,ongoing discordance yet perfectly cacophonous times of the kids’ growing up years- clouded up her thoughts quite often.
This woman’s feelings meandered like life,in the middle of hopes of bright prosperous days for her next progeny and bends and turns of uncertain times of frailing health of her own pillars of strength- her parents.
On one of these days – she sat back musing hard.
Which one was harder-
To miss the big moments of pride of seeing your birdling taking the first flight out of the nest-
Or
To confront the life situation where she along with others had to wait with baited breath to see some positive outcome on the health of her father .
This over analyzing mother -daughter often found herself in a state where she found no direct answers to her own musings.
She often found herself stuck in the whirlpool of her own identity-
A mother over a daughter?
A wife over a mother?

And in those times of wallowing these lines replayed in her mind-

“Yesterday
All my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday”
,
While these lyrics resonated -she forgot which role she was enacting- The girl,the daughter, the sister,the wife or the mother .
All roles then collapsed and the ‘Human’ in her collectively, said a soulful prayer with heartfelt gratitude .
She realized that life came in multiple shades and all that we did was to drape in its layers accordingly.With a smile and solace she realized that the Heart which one was endowed with – was Elastic in its tensile strenth.
Heart- which never shrank, but added on to it, the love and concerns which came along with any relationship…

And with that thought this woman embraced all the emotions of her heart with peace and joy..

And if the readers’ curious minds probed into who the protagonist woman might be ..
The Answer is –
Today it could be Moi.
Tomorrow it could be You..
And the day later, could be anyone like me and you, under the sun struggling to cope up with the dynamics of life, relationships and could be everyone craving for the comfort and niche from
Yesterday..

Yes – Yesterday once more

“Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they’d gone
But they’re back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well.
Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-o-wo-o
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they’re startin’ to sing’s
So fine.”